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Tags: relationships
Communication with guards up is pointless
You’re firing you cannons filled with fire ire at me but my castle walls make sure none of it penetrates.
You could just as well be sending love, connection, and a desire for intimacy, again my walls will not allow it.
Communication can function this way particularly when we are talking towards wounded parts in another person, it’s where we’ve had to erect walls to protect ourselves from more pain.
You may be tempted to fire more or harder to get through the wall, but all that happens is futher hunkering, digging in my heels, and a Tightening grip on the jacket.
We must pay attention to where a person’s ego is directed, and whether it will engage in defensive or open strategy. This will completely change the way you communicate to this person.
In my relationship, many conversations can’t be had until we had enough context of love and trust to lower certain walls to bypass typical ego defense.
The lower the self-esteem the harder it is to let down that guard, but self-awareness and trust of the other person (plus context, emotional state) is also a huge factor.