8/31/22 (Luke’s place first visit Austin)
Tags: mystory meditation
Thinking on how meditation has guided me to overcome the neurotic exhausted mind of the past high me.
Ok. So right now I’m experiencing the “Head high” which is the one I typically fell for. It’s not a body high, maybe it’s just certain strands that I’m not good with.
Anyways, because meditation has allowed me to observe my own mind, I was no longer trapped in the negative frenzy I was before.
My mind fell for the trap immediately, chasing the ever elusive rabbit which was my train of thoughts. I thought I had to get to the end of it so I let it spiral me down before.
But now
Now I can take a step back and say “I’m not playing that game” I observe that my urge to follow that train was only not having the awareness of thoughts. I used to interrupt myself before I could ever finish the thought. This was max level lizard brain and I just chased every thought. So now, take a step back and observe.
I notice the thought. Notice the urge to chase it, and bring myself back to the moment.
I keep reaching out to it when I notice the negative path coming towards me. It’s only when I’m not in these moments of perfect presence. I get there by using my awareness. Whenever I am not in a perfect state of awareness I chase the thought. I can tell when I’m in this presence when I feel light and positive, I imagine I’m chasing the spiral up.(this isn’t awareness btw just the result of using it enough leads me to the positive spiral)
Awareness ≠ Positive But awareness can certainly lead to = Positive.
Just know that that is not the definition y just the result of awareness
It just doesn’t stick with me, hence the Italics being a stupid section. (N- Me btw) I’m losing a fight by not using awareness to bring me up, I’m letting negativity win for too long so then ultimate momentum decides the (High)Trip.
But you can completely reverse that momentum just as quickly if you remember your awareness.
It feels like a spiral down bc my brain is low energy and confusing me by making no mental effort.. defaulting to negative leaning subconscious
It traps me in stories and spinning jumping to conclusions on logic on this side. These entrance me and I keep myself distracted by chasing thoughts. I consider this hell to my sober mind.(I’ve relied on hindsight thinking it’s actual awareness in my life){Leading you to a losing mindset when it comes to being high}
“So if awareness and non awareness is still a spiral.. do the direction of the emotions differ in nature?”
Because the only difference that will matter in your trip is if you’re using awareness or not, to pull you out of these treacherous waters.
“” section highlights random jumps in stories..{This is negative brain coming back to confuse bc I’m entranced by those stories of logic that I think I want to follow}
{Awareness-self object this} bc now that I can notice it, it finally means I can make sense of it