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Tags: relationships
The third entity in a relationship
When two people enter a relationship, a third entity emerges.
First, there is Me—and my partner—but now there is something above us forming a triangle from our connections. This is—The Relationship.
I can relate to my partner and vice versa, but I can also relate to the relationship, it has its own desires and needs just as me and my partner do.
Similar to Working on vs Working in this framework is the medium which allows us to work ON our relationship instead of always within it. It allows for a new dimension of thinking instead of the first and second-person views relationships are typically confined to.
When me and Kendall have seemingly opposing needs, the solution isn’t mine or hers or even a compromise of both of ours. The solution is what the relationship requires from us.
When me and Kendall are doing better as individuals the relationship can do better, as the two of us together hold it up.
When we’re not doing as well it will alter how we relate to each other, but if we keep in mind how it will affect The Relationship we can prepare contingencies to protect it.
This helps us practice It’s not you vs me, it’s you & me vs The Problem as what we are contending with is how we feel about The Relationship, not necessarily each other.
Importantly, we can also use this to observe Competing narratives in the relationship.