You Must Find the Truth for Yourself and the Truth is always subject to change.
Society told me to want money. Just about everything else in this world told me to give up on my relationship which was “too far gone” I was told to focus on “more important things” I’m told materialism will make me happy, minimalism will make me happy, I found my way in the middle. I found what clothing I like by trying a lot of it. It’s quite aligned with some trends. I tried finding out what music I like, not many people agree with me. I tried caring about money, tried hating “jobs” because they turn you into a robot. I found out I love to work.. i’m just extremely picky about what it’s on. I’m told to balance these things. I only want to obsess over them.
I told myself I was scared of committment. I learned it’s the only thing that matters to me. I wanted to weigh the options. I was told I weighed them for too long and became stagnant. I avoided doing thing that wouldn’t give me fulfillment for long enough so I could get to the bottom of what I DO want to try.
I focused entirely for 2 years over what I want to do with my life, all the while my body and energy detoured into a relationship. It was never quite what I wanted and through consultation with most parts of me, still not what I needed. and yet. A year and a half of what I felt could end at any moment turned into greater dividends than I could have ever expected. I came to KNOW love. In every way I wanted to avoid and put off for later.
I’ve thought I desired only to realize I didn’t care about them. I’ve thought I despised things only to realize I love them.
The outside, the inside, the wise, the kind, the intelligent, my consciousness, the “real me” behind all the influence of society. All failed me at some point or another. Not in betrayal and yet every time it felt like it, an eventual loss of loyalty to any idea we’ve ever held.
So what Should I have done? Who should I have listened to?
No one and everyone at the same time?
This is the art of being yourself.
Of trusting yourself and doubting yourself. Of living your life blind and focused, or open to all the light and blinded anyways. The only thing you can really see is yours.
The rules you play by are subject to who you want to become