It’s not you vs me, it’s you and me vs The Problem
This has been an incredibly practical relationship tool to help me and my girlfriend avoid the terrible argument strategy we see couples regularly engage in. (Not ending arguments but it keeps ours much cleaner).
I imagine a table, and instead of us sitting across from it confronting each other, we can sit on the same side and detach behaviors and feelings from our partner’s doing to a need or expectation we had on the other side of the table. Instead of making enemies of each other, we sit The third entity in a relationship across from us and have a conversation with it.
This also has a powerful effect on how we choose our language. If I can isolate and point out behaviors instead of pointing fingers at my partner it lowers the emotional guards on the ego, allowing us to reach a deeper state of vulnerability. Communication with guards up is pointless